Lessons to remember at UH when selecting new coach

The last three head football coaches the University of Hawaii has terminated — or encouraged to “retire” — have cost the school in the neighborhood of $1 million in buyouts.

While that might be small change between the sofa cushions at Notre Dame or Michigan, it is major moolah in Manoa, where making the same mistakes again is an extravagance that can be ill-afforded.

In choosing a successor for Greg McMackin, we now find out what our football-playing institution of higher education has learned from the cumulative experience and expense of the past.

But, just in case some of the lessons have become fuzzy or forgotten over the years, here are some handy reminders to be taken to heart as the interview process proceeds:

Lesson No. 1 — When a candidate compares the chances of winning at UH with riding a “donkey in the Kentucky Derby” the interview should be promptly ended.

No. 2 — Any candidate who obsesses about charter flights probably doesn’t have a grasp of current economic realities and should be encouraged to book a flight elsewhere. Especially now that UH is obligated to underwrite them for all visiting Mountain West Conference opponents.

No. 3 — “Hey, did I show you my Notre Dame victory dance imitation, it’s a scream?” should be grounds for rejection, pronto.

No. 4 — Any candidate whose major local tie is having been a teammate or frat buddy of the athletic director should be shown the door.

No. 5 — Somebody deemed likely to cold shoulder the governor when he offers the use of Washington Place for help should have his application returned.

No. 6 — Anybody who needs GPS to find Kahuku High needs to be encouraged to mosey on.

No. 7 — Employing the phrase “mechanism to get rid of me” should be a sign to quickly advance to the next candidate.

No. 8 — Anybody who suggests, “say, have you thought about changing that logo again?” should be pointed toward the airport.

No. 9 — Having to finish the sentences for a prospective candidate is probably not a good sign he’ll be able to manage the clock and timeouts effectively.

No. 10 — “Why don’t we just hold a bake sale?” is not the kind of roll-up-the-sleeves creative approach to fundraising UH wants to encourage.

No. 11 — A candidate willing to install a new offense — and coordinator — every year is not somebody UH should take seriously.

No. 12 — Uttering, “Here’s a swell idea: Why don’t we save travel time — and money — by staying over in Las Vegas during some of our roadtrips,” ought to automatically activate a trap door in the interview room.

No. 13 — Any candidate who wants to spend a good portion of the interview reminiscing about back-in-the-day shower hijinks should be vaporized.

No. 14 — “Let me show you folks these blueprints for the new office foyer” ought to be an immediate non-starter.

No. 15 — If a rendition of “Hawaii Five-O” doesn’t prompt chicken skin — or at least a quickening of the pulse — maybe it is time to bring in the next candidate.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@staradvertiser.com or 529-4820.