Lawmakers snap on gloves for probe of concert fiasco

It’s time for the clowns to join the circus as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» The state Senate announced hearings next month to grill University of Hawaii administrators on the Stevie Wonder concert fiasco. No fiasco is complete until the Legislature gets involved.

» Sen. Donna Mercado Kim, who will lead the special committee, insisted she’s not micromanaging UH. Her hearings are more like micro-proctology.

» UH execs protested the loss of the university’s biggest contract ever, potentially worth up to $70 million, to run a Maui supercomputer for the Department of Defense. The DOD told them the same thing as Wonder: "Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday."

» Democrat Mazie Hirono built her U.S. Senate campaign on the struggles of her 88-year-old mother, and now GOP rival Linda Lingle is invoking her 87-year-old father to highlight her support for Social Security. Is this a political race or a tribute to The Mamas & the Papas?

» Lingle’s decision to skip last week’s Republican National Convention was viewed as an attempt to emphasize her bipartisanship. I hear she was miffed that they wouldn’t let her go as a Barack Obama delegate.

» The Honolulu Authority for Rapid Transportation approved another $7.2 million change order for the $5.26 billion rail project, and hinted at more to come after the Supreme Court stopped construction. It’s a new financing strategy called pay as you don’t go.

» Concerned citizens turned out en masse to testify on the rules of the new Public Land Development Corporation, but only one of the five PLDC directors showed up to listen. They prefer public comments be called in to 1-800-AINOKEA.

» A planned Hawaii Kai cemetery that’s short on dirt for burials wants to dredge sediment from a nearby marina for fill. As if the elections we suffer in life aren’t enough, now we have to be buried for eternity in mud.

» Fighting for relevance in the digital age, Hawaii’s libraries hope to appeal to a broader audience with e-books, audiobooks, wireless Internet and more computers. Next is changing the name to the Hawaii State iBrary.

» After taking into custody an armed man who barricaded himself over an argument with his girlfriend and shut down three Nanakuli schools, police drove him back to the girlfriend for a kiss goodbye. I’ve heard of conjugal visits, but conjugal arrests are ridiculous.

And the quote of the week … from City Councilman Romy Cachola on a rule to punish Council members who act up at meetings: "We members should behave, behave, behave. That is the bottom line. Any member who is not behaving properly compromises the integrity of the Council." A good start would be to stop making us laugh when we see "integrity" and "Council" in the same sentence.­

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.