Lawmakers heap sugar on bug and bats, not teens

As in the song "Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch," our governor just can’t help himself as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie stepped up his fight against sugared beverages with a campaign aimed at the acne crowd called "Rethink Your Drink." It’ll be a smash success if he persuades half as many people as he’s caused to rethink their vote for governor.

» A state Senate bill would set procedures for impeaching a governor and his Cabinet. Democratic lawmakers told Abercrombie not to worry; they just miss handcuffing Linda Lingle.

» The Senate agreed to abolish the unpopular Public Land Development Corp., but unlike the House version of the bill, senators kept alive the agency’s staff in another department. The stage is set for a PLDC-quel.

» The House voted to name the Flavobacterium akiainvivens as the official state microbe and sent the measure to the Senate. The Flavobacterium was a compromise choice after the two houses deadlocked last year on whether the honor should go to a House member or senator.

» The bill’s sponsor, Rep. James Tokioka, said making Hawaii the first state to designate an official microbe would promote science and celebrate our uniqueness. The tourism authority has a new slogan: "Come for our beaches, stay for our germs."

» Not to be outdone, GOP Sen. Sam Slom offered a bill to designate an official state land mammal — the Hawaiian hoary bat, of which he says only 100 are left. Slom identifies with the creature because his Hawaii Republican Party shares its fate.

» Mayor Kirk Caldwell reversed his predecessor Peter Carlisle’s disputed legal opinion that barred some charitable events fromcity parks. Carlisle left Caldwell more low-hanging fruit to pick than Tutu’s mango tree.

» City Council members tabled a bill that would allow more domestic chickens on Oahu. Some people can’t handle a little competition.

» The University of Hawaii steered new contracts to a firm whose flawed design of the UH softball stadium left fans unable to see home plate from the bleachers. For our state institutions, failure isn’t an option; it’s a way of life.

» From the island that gave us the Steven Tyler Act, Maui Mayor Alan Arakawa promised to turn out "beautiful people and undisclosed celebrities" for his Mayor’s Kokua Ball. Nothing brings out Maui officialdom like a chance to kiss up to the rich and famous.

And the quote of the week … from Abercrombie on his proposed penny-an-ounce fee on sugary drinks: "The reason it’s called a beverage fee is you’re paying for the privilege, if you will, of making that choice." In other words, we have free choice in Hawaii as long as we pay Neil Abercrombie for the privilege of exercising it.

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.