Frightened, desperate and with nowhere else to turn, some women who leave abusive spouses run to an emergency shelter with nothing more than a few items in hand.
They come from all walks of life — rich, poor, college-educated, high school dropouts.
"But they all come with one trait: They live a life in constant fear of the next violent outburst by their spouse," said Susan Tengan on Sunday during an appeal to keep the United Church of Christ Transition House viable at Makiki Christian Church.
"It is a huge decision when they decide to take no more — no more yelling, no more degrading insults, no hitting or trying to dodge objects thrown at them," Tengan said.
Tengan, a transition house board member, said the house provides a safe, stable place for abused women for up to a year while building a new life.
An emergency shelter usually allows women to stay up to two months, which sometimes prompts moves from one shelter to another, living on the streets or returning to their abuser’s residence. Moving around so much can be "very stressful," especially for children who would likely be required to change schools, she said.
Makiki Christian Church will collect donations from its members until July 26 for a "Christmas in July" gift of household and personal hygiene items for three women and their children who are expected to soon leave the house to live on their own. The public may also drop off donations, but all items must be unused.
The United Church of Christ Transition House was opened more than 30 years ago by Church of the Crossroads in Honolulu at a location not disclosed for the sake of the families’ safety and privacy. Tengan said fundraising only became necessary in the past few years, as UCC churches are experiencing financial woes. She is presenting the appeal for funds and material goods at various faith and community organizations.
"The biggest challenge is the money. It takes $10,000 a month to run the house. … We’re always in the red," said Tengan, who attends Hawaii Kai UCC. It can hold up to three families at a time, so there is always a waiting list.
The UCC house is one of the few transition shelters available on Oahu, providing a peaceful, supportive environment which enables women to heal from the trauma of abuse, she said. By the time they’re admitted to the house, "they have made the decision to divorce their spouse. They are ready to move on in their lives," whether it is continuing their education, finding a job or caring for their children on their own, Tengan said.
"Many women and their children have shared that the first night in their own room in the house was the first time they slept in peace. A good night’s sleep can do wonders in healing the body and soul," she said.
"The house is a sacred place, a place where women can feel safe and can begin to think about what their lives and the lives of their children can be without violence."
As of 2014 the house had helped 117 women, and "everyone leaves as a success story" tied to breaking the cycle of domestic violence, Tengan said. Women who want to be admitted to the UCC Transition House need to be referred by a community agency or another shelter.
After "graduating" from the house a few years ago, Karen Jensen and Eun Hee Lee Cowin completed their education and are now ministers, said Tengan, who helped the Rev. Dwight Morita produce a video telling their stories. Jensen is a minister on Oahu, and Cowin, on Hawaii island. For information about obtaining access to the video, call 943-2837.
"We have women who are business owners and very successful in their employment and education. The children grow up knowing that violence has no place in their lives. Those are success stories," Tengan said.
