When little Stephen needed family, the Abes were there

It was some 38 years ago that the Abe family of Waipahu first made the acquaintance of an extraordinary boy named Stephen Findley Tittle.

Duwayne Abe, then a freshman at the University of Hawaii, had taken up a suggestion by his Auntie Alice to volunteer at the old Waimano Training School and Hospital in Pearl City. There he was assigned to help care for Stephen, an 11-year-old with severe cerebral palsy who had spent nearly his entire life institutionalized as a ward of the state.

Stephen’s disabilities were obvious — he could neither speak nor control his limbs — but Duwayne also saw in his young charge untapped potential. He saw in Stephen’s eyes a yearning for connection. He recognized in their improvised communication with each other a keen intelligence in need of nurturing.

Before long Duwayne began taking Stephen home for weekends and holidays. With each visit it became more and more obvious that Stephen did not belong in an institution. He needed a family, and Duwayne knew just where to turn.

“And so,” Duwayne’s mother, Edna, recalled, “he asked us if Stephen could stay with us.”

The Abes were busy people. Edna operated her own hair salon, and her husband, Lawrence, worked full time at Kaiser Permanente. But the family had become fond of Stephen, and as long as Duwayne and his sister, Dawn, promised to help out, Edna and Lawrence didn’t see any reason why they couldn’t open their home.

“It was quite a learning experience for all of us,” Edna said. “He’d been institutionalized his whole life, so we had to undo a lot of things for him to adjust to community life. He was surrounded by a lot of love, and he was a very happy child.”

Stephen used a communication board to “speak” with others, but as often as not the family needed only to exchange glances to know what he was thinking.

He loved sports and was a devoted fan of the Atlanta Braves and Dallas Cowboys. Like the rest of the family, he also enjoyed bowling (using ramps) and playing cards.

“We’d take him with us to Vegas when we needed some rest and relaxation,” Edna said. “He was good at blackjack because he could add quickly.”

Stephen remained with Lawrence and Edna after Duwayne and Dawn both graduated, built successful careers in education and started their own families. Both Duwayne and Dawn visited often, and their children came to love Stephen just as much as they did.

Stephen died July 9 at the age of 49. His funeral was held at St. Andrew’s Cathedral, where his biological great-grandfather once presided as the fourth Episcopal bishop of Honolulu.

“We miss him a lot, but we’re so satisfied with how he turned out,” Edna said. “He helped us a lot in his own way. It was a blessing that he came into our lives.”

Reach Michael Tsai at mtsai@staradvertiser.com.