Among the 25 entries in this year’s Halloween fiction contest for children, there were far more qualifying stories written by elementary school students than by middle schoolers. So we decided to merge the categories into one. Among some very spirited, creepy tales of ghostly gore and metamorphosis • into vampires, werewolves, a dead father and even a spider • two genuinely spooky, gently whimsical and moving stories stood out. Both kept within the 400-word limit in the contest rules (some otherwise well-written stories went on, alas, too long).
Lunalilo Elementary School fifth-grader Sara Rizk takes first place for "The Missing Bear," in which an intrepid little girl goes to the rescue of her dismembered teddy bear, Mr. Fuzz, with help from her dead grandfather. We liked the way this brisk, no-nonsense tale, short on exposition but full of action and shocking detail, brought out the character of the heroine and her close-knit family.
Second place goes to Chrissy Hori, a fifth-grader at Ma’ema’e Elementary School, for "Cabin 13." Her dialogue captures the excitement and eagerness of scared of children bunking in a cabin at sleepaway camp, and it’s a nice twist when we meet a rather wistful little ghost who could be one of them.
Each winner will receive $50, but we hope all the contestants have learned that writing down stories they’ve made up is really its own reward. So keep writing, and have a boo-tiful Halloween.
"The Missing Bear"
By Sarah Rizk
Fifth-grader at Lunalilo Elementary School
Lilly Green was the happiest girl on the block. Everywhere she went; she carried her companion Mr. Fuzz. They were inseparable until one chilly night. Lilly was fast asleep when her lamp fell off of her dresser and shattered. Frightened, she rolled over to grab Mr. Fuzz before she ran to her parents. But all she found was a note attached to Mr. Fuzz’s legs, "If you want to see Mr. Fuzz again, go to a place where stones are above and people are below." Lilly knew that her parents wouldn’t approve of her leaving the house. So she threw on a jacket, packed snacks and snuck out.
She knew exactly where to go. When her grandfather passed away, her mother explained that he was going to be resting under a stone. So she set forth toward Spookytown Cemetery. The trees made unearthly sounds. It was dark. Very dark. What caught her by surprise was to find her grandfather sitting near a tree. Although he looked like she remembered, he was pale and floated above the ground. "The monster has Mr. Fuzz and he is breaking him into pieces as we speak. Go to a place where no one lives any longer. Hurry!" said Lilly’s grandfather. He handed her the rest of Mr. Fuzz’s body and disappeared.
Lilly thought long and hard. The only place she could think of was the abandoned house down the road. The family that lived inside vanished long ago. She began to run before it was too late. It was clear the house was unkempt. When Lilly rang the doorbell, the door creaked open. Slowly she made her way in. The lights flickered. Across the room, she spotted a one-eyed dog chewing on Mr. Fuzz’s head. Lilly yelped! Quick on her feet, she grabbed the snacks from her bag and flung them across the room. When the creepy dog ran after the food, she grabbed the head and sprinted out. Grabbing her shoe, the dog tried to drag her backwards. She kicked, scratched and luckily got away.
When she got home, Lilly’s mother ran toward her. Lilly was covered in dust, missing a shoe and clung onto all of Mr. Fuzz’s body parts. "Never run away from home again!" cried Lilly’s mom. Together they made their way inside and Lilly told her mom about her adventure as they sewed Mr. Fuzz back together.
"Cabin 13"
By Chrissy Hori
Fifth-grader at Ma’ema’e Elementary School
The fifth-graders go to camp! When we got there, I settled my things in the cabin. We checked out the view during our free time.
Nearby, after Cabin 17, there was one cabin lower to the ground, and had a satellite dish on the roof, air-conditioning, a half-painted fence, and a sign that read "Private Property: Keep Out." One half of the cabin was orange, the other half was darker orange, and the roof had two different patterns. It looked really strange.
My friends and I decided that it was Cabin 13, and the sign meant for people not to go inside. But why was Cabin 13 next to 17? "Maybe they didn’t want others to get suspicious," one friend suggested. "That makes sense, because they probably repainted the numbers so people will think that it’s Cabin 18. And look! The number tag was ripped off, and the door looked messy."
I agreed with her. That probably IS Cabin 13! That night, I couldn’t sleep. I slept on the top bunk, next to this ginormous window. I tried not to look at it because I was afraid I was going to see something!
Then, in the middle of the night, I got up. I heard a screeching noise. I looked out the window. There was the creepy cabin! I saw a white shadow opening the door from the inside • then it slammed shut! I woke up my friend. "Get up! Hurry! I saw something!" She got up. "What •" she replied drowsily.
"I saw something. Like a white shadow opening the door of Cabin 13! It peeked out, looked left and right and the door slammed shut! I’ll come on your bed," I said.
We just stared outside, as if waiting for something to happen. That same white shadow walked toward OUR cabin! "Hurry! Blanket! Pretend! To! Be! Asleep! Quick! It’s coming!" My heart was racing. The front door creaked open. The footsteps got louder.
"I mean no harm," said a soft voice. It sounded like a little girl. We turned our heads in shock. "Look, I’m not going to do anything to you," she said. "I’m a curious little girl with nothing to do, so I wanted to take a tour! OK, nice to meet you • Later, gators!" She walked out the door and went on her way causing no harm.
We couldn’t sleep the rest of the night.
