Raising two young children with special needs is an uphill battle in itself, but Raquel Bernholz has taken it on as a single mom who works full-time, without financial or any other kind of support from her husband.
When he walked out a year ago, Bernholz could only afford an apartment in the Waianae transitional homeless shelter she and her kids are living in now. The discounted rent over a two-year period enables her to pay other expenses and save money for more permanent housing.
“It’s really hard,” she said, but family and friends have been generous with their assistance. In the spirit of Christmas giving, “the keiki and I want to give back in some way to those that helped us” without spending a lot of money, she said.
The Honolulu Star-Advertiser’s Good Neighbor Fund can lend a hand to families on limited budgets like Bernholz’s during the season when extravagance reigns. The annual Christmas fund drive supports the Adopt A Family program, run by Helping Hands Hawai‘i, which aims to provide a special Christmas dinner, needed items and a few extras from Santa this year to some 600 families.
Readers may “adopt” a family or individual, or just donate to the general fund. The most requested items are clothing and shoes, household items and popular toys; they can be dropped off at Helping Hands. Information is available next to this article.
“My family and friends have helped me with child care, kid birthdays, moving, transportation and moral/emotional support,” Bernholz said. “I am happy that in spite of our challenges, our family is making strides.”
After Bernholz’s husband left she asked her oldest brother, “Can I borrow your son?” just to have another adult to help at home with her children. So her nephew Josiah Kahala, 19, lives with them while attending college.
As a special-education counselor at Nanakuli High School, Bernholz is familiar with dealing with the problems that plague her own children. Her son, Makana, 4, has developmental delays, and daughter Jade, 7, was diagnosed with autism in kindergarten. Jade progressed from a toddler who spent a lot of time “just digging in the dirt under the stairs by herself,” who didn’t know how to interact with people, to being part of a regular second-grade class with an educational aide.
“This year, she introduces herself to people — it was kind of funny and robotic at first, kind of scripted … She’s a smart kid; she loves to read. And one of the sweetest. I’m not just saying it because she’s mine. It’s just those social skills — she is still super happy being by herself — and transitioning; she has a hard time going from one activity to the next,” Bernholz said.
With Christmas coming, instead of expecting presents, Bernholz tells her kids to focus on giving gifts of personal time and effort to family and friends who have supported them.
“It’s looking at it from a different perspective: What can you give as opposed to what do you want? What can we do, who can we help?
“Jade said: ‘I think I want to give to our planet because the planet does all these things for us; it gives us food, it gives us air. So if I’m doing good things for the planet, I’m doing good things for everybody,’” Bernholz said. Putting this thought into deeds is “a teachable moment.”
By the time their residency at the shelter is up in a year, Bernholz’s divorce should be finalized and hopefully she will be receiving child support.
“I do not know yet how we will transition into more permanent housing. I am especially concerned because my salary as a schoolteacher pushes me out of eligibility for affordable housing opportunities. I make just a little too much for things like Section 8, and various housing projects,” she said.
Bernholz’s case manager at the transitional home, Liz Guzman, praised her for never giving up and bearing down to deal with all the curveballs life has thrown at her.
Bernholz said, “I have faith that God is good and things will work out. Please know we will be happy for any assistance.”
