CARLOS AND FLORA
It amazes me and touches my heart to see couples who have survived everything life has thrown at them. Kauai residents Carlos and Flora Vea, my auntie and uncle, fall into this category.
On Dec. 17 they celebrated a milestone. It was on that day, 60 years ago, that a 19-year-old bride walked down the aisle of Kekaha Methodist Church to marry the 26-year-old man who would be with her through the good times — the births of their three sons — and bad times — hurricanes Iwa and Iniki.
“Secret of a good marriage is we trust each other,” Carlos said. “She don’t go her own way, and I don’t go my own way; we consult each other on everything.”
Although their parents were close friends (his dad, Valeriano Vea, was godfather to her older sister, Magdalena Tugade), the couple first met when Flora’s family relocated from Oahu to Kauai, moving into the house across the street from Carlos and his family. Flora was in high school, and Carlos had moved to Kauai about five years prior.
They said it was love at first sight.
She said she fell for his good looks: “He was handsome.” She laughed as she recalled that she could see Carlos’ bedroom from her room. “I knew what time he went to sleep.”
He fell for her demeanor. “She was quiet and she wasn’t sassy-looking,” he said.
The couple couldn’t recall exactly how long they dated, but they agreed it wasn’t long before they decided to get married. They waited until Flora graduated from high school and then started their life together.
Carlos, a retired plantation supervisor, and Flora, a retired housekeeper for Kauai Care Center, continue to enjoy their growing family. They have six grandchildren, 11 great-grandchildren and a great-great-grandchild.
Flora attributed their 60 years together to honesty and love. “I can trust him,” she said.
Another marriage tip: They said they never yell at each other, no matter how angry they get.
“We have this understanding,” Flora said. “We just hug each other and kiss each other and tell each other ‘I’m sorry.’ … When we get misunderstanding we patch (it) up fast.”
RALPH AND CLIFF
In their marriage vows, Ralph and Cliff Malani promised to tell each other “I love you” 10 times every day. Their reason is heartfelt: They know that life can be as fragile as love can be strong.
“We’ve been through a lot together,” said Ralph, a 45-year-old celebrity hair and wardrobe stylist.
Five years ago Cliff was diagnosed with advanced nasal cancer, but Ralph made sure his partner would not surrender. Cliff spent nearly eight months at the Queen’s Medical Center undergoing radiation treatment that gave him third-degree burns, and chemotherapy treatment with drugs so strong that a spill once burned through a nurse’s glove.
Throughout the treatment, Ralph spent every night in the same hospital room, sleeping on a chair. He would bring fresh lei to the room to mask the hospital smell. And to keep Cliff’s spirits up, he wouldn’t allow the nurses or doctors to reveal the severity of the cancer to their patient.
“There were days when the nurses would say he might not make it to the next day,” said Ralph. “I would go to my car and cry for 45 minutes. Then I would come back inside and be happy and everything is going to be OK. It was really tough to be smiling when I knew the real truth.”
On days like that, love was the better medicine, said Cliff, a 36-year-old Hawaiian Airlines plane cleaner. “There were a few times when I wanted to give up, but he kept me going,” he said.
During a particularly bad stretch of the cancer treatment, Ralph proposed. The state hadn’t approved same-sex marriages, but he wasn’t going to let that interfere. (They made it official on Oct. 2, 2014.)
The Malanis, who live in Honolulu, first met in 2005 at a salon where the two of them worked. They hit it off right away.
“He’s always in my head, 24 hours a day and every day,” Ralph said. “I’m very busy, but I’m always thinking about him first.”
To the surprise of nurses and doctors who called it a miracle, Cliff condition improved, and he left the hospital in full remission.
The experience influenced another part of their marriage vows. The Malanis promised to spend the rest of their lives making memories.
“We live for the moment because we know it can all be taken away,” Ralph said. “We smile a lot. We laugh a lot. And we make it work.”
RORY AND KATILIN
It was a drizzly gray Saturday, but Rory and Kaitlin Wallace, my son and daughter-in-law, had sunshine in their smiles as they gamboled through a deserted beach park at Diamond Head.
They had met in the fall of their senior year in college in California, when Rory asked Kaitlin if she’d help him finish a pitcher of beer before last call. When he fractured his back playing soccer, she went with him to the hospital and then stayed by his side, caring for him until he could get around on his own.
“I confess I may have played up the injury a bit,” said Rory, now 29.
In the spring they barked back at the sea lions on a San Francisco pier, dined at Alioto’s with a view of the sunset over the Golden Gate Bridge and fell in love. That summer they moved into a cramped fifth-floor tenement walk-up in New York, where Kaitlin found a job in a cupcake factory and Rory worked without pay at a hedge fund in hopes of advancing from intern to analyst.
On their first Valentine’s Day dinner date, they were seated in the Siberia of restaurants — by the kitchen door. Kaitlin spoke up and got them a good table.
Now she’s a lawyer and Rory runs his own fund.
Six years after they met, they married at sunset on Westhampton Beach, N.Y., as a full moon rose from the sea.
“The secret to our love has always been lots of laughs, tight hugs and crazy dance moves,” said Kaitlin, 28. Last month they relocated from Manhattan to Honolulu, where she is a clerk for a federal judge.
As Hawaii parents, my husband and I longed for our children to return and be happy, and now at last they’re here, brightening our shabby old house and delighting our old cat with laughter, hugs and kisses. My husband and I don’t know how long they’ll stay, but we know they’ll be happy wherever they are.
MARC AND SARA
Fitness buffs Marc Zimmermann and Sara Kova first became acquainted through friends on Facebook while living in Honolulu, but their courtship began when they were 7,300 miles apart.
He was a former professional soccer player-turned-fitness instructor from Germany. She was a yoga teacher, model and actress. Though they both lived here at the same time six years ago, Marc, 33, and Sara, 32, never met in person before going their separate ways: He to New Delhi to work as a fitness manager for a gym chain and she to Manhattan to teach yoga. He began courting her through Skype video chats and texts, eventually persuading her to join him in India and teach yoga.
They met face to face for the first time in the summer of 2012. Marc and Sara said it was as if they had known one another for years. Their chemistry clicked and the relationship moved quickly.
Marc proposed, and they got married in September of that year in his hometown of Frankfurt, Germany. The two moved back to Honolulu, a place they both loved, the next month to start a new life.
Fast-forward to today and the Kahala couple is happily married with a 2-year-old daughter, Zoey. They also married their interests, launching a fitness company called HI Life Athletics, which offers outdoor boot camps, personal training and yoga classes.
Running a business together presents a challenge because they spend more time together than the average couple, said Sara. And coming from different cultural backgrounds can result in different expectations.
“We’re not ashamed to say we periodically go to therapy,” Sara said.
A weekly date night helps keep the romance alive, even if it’s the same routine of dinner and a movie. They’ve learned other’s preferred “love language,” or the way an individual prefers to be shown love. He craves affection and physical touch; she enjoys when he steps up to perform acts of service, like doing the dishes.
To relieve stress, they work out together. That means hiking or a new activity called AcroYoga, a combination of partner yoga, dance and acrobatics that requires trust. Marc said it’s a great stress reliever that sparks laughter as they strike a partner pose, creating an infinity shape with their bodies, for instance.
“The couple that sweats together stays together,” said Sara.
CHELA AND ZACH
Chela and Zach Sheets didn’t waste any time packing their bags and moving to Hawaii on their wedding day almost nine years ago.
“I was still wearing my dress and he was in his tux when we got on the plane,” she said.
Zach, 33, is from Indiana, and his 31-year-old wife is from Texas; the pair met in Chicago while working together at an after-school program. They dated for about eight months and then married on July 7, 2007 — 7-7-07.
“We wanted to move somewhere that’s always warm,” said Chela.
Not having family and friends when they first arrived, the couple spent a lot of time together. “We relied on each other lots and got closer,” Zach said.
Both are educators: He’s an assistant principal at August Ahrens Elementary School, and she’s a photography teacher and yearbook adviser at Moanalua High School. Chela said the demands of teaching high school have helped her communicate better with her husband.
“It’s taught me to be upfront and direct, something that Zach already is,” she said.
He believes in the happy-marriage rule to never go to bed angry.
“We always talk things through. People tend to make small things into big things. You have to grow together or apart,” Zach said. “And Chela has taught me to be more sensitive. We are super different but have common goals like family, values and finances.”
The pair plans to start a family soon but for now share their Waikiki apartment with their two cats, Gilly and Kona.
Although they spend almost all of their time together taking walks on the beach, eating out, hanging out with friends and binge-watching TV series on Netflix, they both agree on the importance of pursuing their own interests.
Zach loves football and other sports, and his wife likes to watch reruns of “Friends.”
“It’s good to take a break so we don’t get tired of each other,” she said.
A sense of humor is another key ingredient to their relationship.
“We don’t take ourselves and each other seriously,” he said. “We laugh a lot. We try to make things interesting and fun.”
