Do you find yourself increasingly preoccupied with the computer and TV these days? Do you hear basketballs bouncing in your sleep?
Are concerned family members suggesting you see a doctor?
It might not be the flu, you know. It might just be the month and you could be a victim of that annual malady Martius Insaniam, better known as “March Madness.“
Be on the look-out for the tell-tale symptoms. You could be among the growing number afflicted if you:
>> Have taken to wearing one white sleeve and carefully lining up your parking spot like Aaron Valdes at the line on a free throw.
>> Believe that presidential candidates should debate real issues, like whether Syracuse or Wichita State belong in the NCAA Tournament.
>> Don’t remember the date of your wedding anniversary but knew UH’s Rating Percentage Index was 94 entering the conference tournament.
>> Couldn’t care less what President Obama is doing about the Middle East, North Korea, ISIS and Ukraine but can’t wait to see what his NCAA Tournament bracket looks like.
>> Think “Selection Sunday” is a holy day. Or, should be.
>> Followed the ins and outs of the Atlantic Sun Conference Tournament.
>> Want to return to college but can’t seem to find bracketology among the list of majors offered at UH.
>> Are convinced that your daughter’s prom date is strictly a “low-major.”
>> Suggest to your fiancee that Anaheim, Calif., would be a swell place for a honeymoon — because of the Big West tournament, not Disneyland.
>> Plan to petition the Internal Revenue Service for an extension because you are too busy calculating the latest Logistic Regression/Markov Chain possibilities for NCAA Tournament to get around to doing taxes this month.
>> Think the Summit Conference gets short shrift in the media.
>> Not only know your power metrics and the differences between the B.P.I. (Basketball Power Index) and K.P.I. (Kevin Pauga Index) — but who the latter is.
>> Will be ready with a chair and mattress to be first in line if postseason tournament tickets go on sale at the Stan Sheriff Center Box Office.
>> Quote Laura Beeman incessantly to your kids.
>> Chant “Airball! Airball! Airball!” when somebody misses the trash can at home.
>> Tell the barber you want the latest in Eran Ganot goatees.
>> Threaten to put your kids “on the bubble” if they get out of line.
>> Sent ESPN’s Andy Katz an invitation to your kid’s baby luau.
>> Can recite your favorite team’s quality wins and bad losses by heart but are not sure what you did with the rent check this month.
>> Can name the past five winners of the National Invitation Tournament.
>> Pester clerks at the H-Zone stores about when they are going to get a shipment of those Roderick Bobbitt headbands.
>> Think the NCAA Tournament should be double elimination.
>> Know the historic winning percentage of number 11 seeds.
>> Are planning a family white-out dinner for the Big West tournament final.
Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@staradvertiser.com or 529-4820.
