I’ve always thought there should be an advice column to cover idiosyncratic Hawaii customs and behaviors — like how much money to put in the envelope at a funeral.

And how many times you’re supposed to let your friend decline the invitation to take home leftovers before you stop asking.

Or how many times you’re supposed to decline the invitation to “make plate” before you accept.

I once worked with a guy who was writing a book on “How to Emcee a Local Wedding,” which is pretty much the best idea ever.

But I am unqualified to give such advice — or any advice, really — though that doesn’t stop people from asking.

A recent email:

“More and more, when shopping or talking to people, I hear the word ‘uncle.’ From complete strangers! This is NOT a mainland courtesy, as I have never been called uncle anywhere but Hawaii except from my nephews, to whom I’m an actual uncle!

“I am torn. Is this just a custom? A sign of respect? Or …”

Well, yes. It means the person thinks of you as old. It’s a fond, respectful thought, but it can be hard to take at first, especially if the person calling you “uncle” looks to be in the uncle range himself.

I think it’s worse when a woman hits auntie age. There are so many unglamorous associations with auntie-hood, things that have to do with polyester shorts, unfashionable footwear and being expected to bring the lemon bars to every family party. The first time a woman is called “auntie” by a stranger is a moment of reckoning. It’s not “miss” or even “ma’am.” It’s something older. Wider. More comfortable. Oh, no.

“Uncle” is a little different, in the way that men think of aging differently from how women do. But it comes down to the realization of how people see you and how different that can be from how you see yourself.

For generations, Hawaii kids have used “uncle” and “auntie” to address close friends of the family — which is a little different from the way the terms are used now, to speak politely to a stranger. Somewhere there was a shift.

The “uncle” query came from Winthrop James “Wink” Whitacker, who has been in Hawaii since 1967 after moving from Massachussetts. Whitacker, who has been a soccer referee for 30 years, first started noticing the “uncle” thing out on the field.

“About a year ago a few parents told their kids to ‘thank Uncle Wink,’” he said. Since then he’s heard it more and more. “Some Kaiser High School kids say, ‘Hey, Uncle Wink’s doing our game tonight!’”

OK. Cool. They’re kids. But then it spread into other parts of his life.

“Now, frighteningly, I have had adults in the supermarket or Longs say, ‘Sorry, uncle’ or ‘Go ahead, uncle. You got less!’”

Whitacker says he just goes with it. He’s decided it’s a modern expression of old-time aloha spirit. “Uncle” is certainly more warm and familiar than “sir.”

(And then, as though to answer his own query, he signed his letter “Uncle Wink.”)

Reach Lee Cataluna at 529-4315 or lcataluna@staradvertiser.com.