Roundup of insightful quotes helps discern bull of politics

I wish I could pour you a bloody mary to help digest the primary election results, but as the next best thing I offer some of my favorite quotations about politics:

>> “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president; I’m beginning to believe it.” — Clarence Darrow

>> “Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” — Will Rogers

>> “Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.” — Oscar Ameringer

>> “No one can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties.” — Bob Hope

>> “The mistake a lot of politicians make is in forgetting they’ve been appointed and thinking they’ve been anointed.” — Claude D. Pepper

>> “The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly,’ meaning ‘many,’ and the word ‘ticks,’ meaning ‘bloodsucking parasites.’” — Larry Hardiman

>> “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedy.” — Ernest Benn

>> “Our elections are free. It’s in the results where eventually we pay.” — Bill Stern

>> “The way my luck is running, if I were a politician I would be an honest man.” — Rodney Dangerfield

>> “Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.” — Jose Maria de Eca de Queiroz

>> “The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.” — Maureen Murphy

>> “Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.” — John Kenneth Galbraith

>> “In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.” — Napoleon Bonaparte

>> “Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.” — George Jean Nathan

>> “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” — George W. Bush

>> “When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.” — P.J. O’Rourke

>> “Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” — George Carlin

>> “To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.” — Hubert H. Humphrey

>> “Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.” — Doug Larson

>> “Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.” — Kin Hubbard

>> “Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.” — H.L. Mencken

>> “After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.” — Fred Thompson, actor turned U.S. senator

>> “The enemy isn’t conservatism. The enemy isn’t liberalism. The enemy is bulls—t.” — Lars-Erik Nelson

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.