Homelessness. Let’s begin by saying all of the things we believe, but are too ashamed to articulate.

Homeless people are lazy. They are drug addicts. Crazy. A drain on society. Can’t we keep them out of the areas where normal people live and work? They are killing our tourism industry. Why should they get subsidized housing when I have to work like a dog to support my family?

Let’s discuss the elephant in the room. Most homeless people don’t vote, so nobody cares. Our elected officials care about the registered voters who complain about the homeless problem.

I am a 39-year-old woman, a survivor of childhood sexual trauma, sexual assault, meth addiction, alcoholism and a suicide attempt. I lived on the streets for several years using every survival skill I had to eat and avoid getting raped. Drugs numbed my emotions. It stopped me from crying about how miserable my life was.

I’ve been clean and sober for 16 years. Today I am a certified substance abuse counselor, trainer and advocate. I have an amazing partner and a beautiful daughter. I vote in every election.

You want to know what would have helped me when I was homeless? Talking to me.

If you are discussing homelessness, invite the homeless community to join the discussion.

You know that the sit-lie ban helps tourism. You know it helps police officers meet their quota. But do you know how it affects the very people you profess to want to help?

Some say, “But we have shelters. They should go there.” Do you have any idea of the frequency of sexual assaults in shelters? Do you have any idea how many things get stolen in shelters? Our homeless ohana have so few items as it is. Is the solution to pack them like cattle into windowless buildings, where they cannot feel safe?

Do you know how hard it is to get a new EBT card (food card) once the police have thrown away your backpack? You need two forms of ID and proof of residency. If you lose your Social Security card and your state ID, you have nothing. Travel to the Social Security office, reapply. Oops, can’t reapply without an ID. Travel to the Department of Motor Vehicles, reapply. Oops, can’t reapply without a Social Security card or a birth certificate.

I have never worked harder in my life to survive than when I was homeless. The system is set up against addicts, alcoholics, homeless people, mentally ill people. Sure, there are people who will help the homeless to get Quest health coverage and EBT. But the wait list is weeks long. What are people to do in the interim? Wait patiently, while remaining out of sight. Not in my backyard, right?

Here are some ideas for those who really want to help.

Show up at every forum you can and ask why homeless people aren’t there. Email and Facebook your leaders and ask when the next outdoor meeting with the homeless people is taking place. Buy bike locks and hand them out to those who are homeless but have a bicycle. Why? Because they get stolen all the time and police aren’t exactly scrambling to respond to their reports.

Talk to someone who lives on the streets. Play a game of cards or chess with them. Listen to their music, their stories. Keep hygiene kits and granola bars in your cars. This isn’t about donating money and goods, although that is helpful. This is about empowering others. Isn’t that what we want? Everyone to feel powerful enough to take control of their own lives?

But most of all, smile and wave. Feeling invisible leads people to want to be invisible. I should know. I tried to kill myself for that exact reason.

Zahava Zaidoff is a Certified Substance Abuse Counselor and Prevention Specialist.