April showers newsreaders with political pandemonium

It’s the last Sunday in April and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:

>> The 2018 Legislature neared adjournment amid the usual controversies about gut-and-replace measures and Frankenbills. A Frankenbill is any legislation involving Sen. Donovan Dela Cruz.

>> House Finance Chairwoman Sylvia Luke apologized for calling Gov. David Ige a “crybaby,” “kind of pathetic,” and “almost like this desperate caged animal.” Henceforth, she’ll stay in her cage if he stays in his.

>> Luke, Dela Cruz and other top state legislators who back U.S. Rep. Colleen Hanabusa over Ige threw a major fundraiser for Hana- busa. They wanted to show how nicely they can pay-to-play together.

>> Ige attempted to put January’s false missile scare behind him, urging everybody to “work together without the politics of blame.” The only politician who complains about the politics of blame is the one who is to blame.

>> Maj. Gen. Arthur “Joe” Logan, state adjutant general, said he’d support having federal emergency agents take over missile alerts as long as they’re well-trained and “don’t cause widespread panic.” That’s a state function.

>> Rep. Andria Tupola, GOP candidate for governor, sought a restraining order against a fringe party activist she says is harassing and bullying her. Local Republicans can’t win elections, but they sure know how to stir up a tempest in a tea party.

>> State Auditor Les Kondo, beginning his review of Honolulu rail, told city transit directors, “We don’t see the same playing field.” He sees a minefield and they see “Strawberry Fields Forever.”

>> Mayor Kirk Caldwell admitted he doesn’t know how the city will pay for rail operating costs, but said, “I have faith … we’ll be able to do it.” The only way faith pays for this boondoggle is if the next mayor is Rev. Creflo A. Dollar.

>> Hawaii residents have the nation’s second highest tax burden and rank last among the states for taxpayer return on investment, according to WalletHub. The bang for our buck is bupkis.

>> A family of four in Honolulu can make up to $93,300, and an individual $65,350, and still be considered low-income under new federal guidelines. The local inflation index is based on the cost of tents and shopping carts.

>> Visiting adventurer Dylan McWilliams survived a shark bite on Kauai after earlier surviving a bear bite in Colorado and a rattlesnake bite in Utah. If he sticks around, we’ll see if he can survive our tax bite.

And the quote of the month … from Rep. John Mizuno, defending the right of medical marijuana users to work while high: “If I’m in the office and going through paperwork … at the most I might get sleepy. Am I a danger to anyone else?” Only a legislator would see no problem with being stoned and asleep at work.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.