A friend was telling me how she recently met up with an acquaintance she hadn’t seen in a while who informed her she had become a Buddhist. Apparently it was the only way she could continue living with her increasingly crotchety husband.
“Whenever he gets too annoying, I just Zen out,” the woman explained.
I totally get it.
Maybe it’s just within my circle of friends, but I’ve noticed a trend in which the men seem to be turning into, well, stubborn, cranky old men. Meanwhile, the ladies are busting out, doubling down at work, pursuing travel opportunities, new hobbies, even new careers.
Women who put their ambitions on pause while raising kids are only now, in their 50s and beyond, seeking ways to exercise their full powers and find fulfillment in this latest life stage. We need to get stuff done!
(Disclaimer: My observations are based on a very small sample group and should not be construed to represent all males of a certain age.)
My theory is that the guys are probably thinking they worked their tails off to support their families all these years, and now it’s time to kick back and chill in a recliner, channel surfing between shows about muscle car makeovers and misfit woodspeople, without their wives nagging them about it.
Uh, I think I’ve said too much.
Women, too, have worked our tails off all these years, whether employed in the workforce or not. I, for one, am not ready to spend my remaining time on this earth with my feet up, unless I’m getting a pedicure.
We already know that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, so I’m wondering if these differing later-in-life perspectives can be attributed to gender-based attitudes of what “kick back and chill” means.
A 2016 survey on life in retirement by financial services provider TIAA shows that women are more likely than men to spend time alone for personal interests such as reading (80 percent vs. 70 percent), spend time with family (80 percent vs. 67 percent) and socialize on a regular basis (75 percent vs. 52 percent).
Women also are more likely to volunteer (58 percent vs. 42 percent), participate in religious activities (36 percent vs. 25 percent) and take formal or informal classes (30 percent vs. 15 percent). Read the survey here.
Other studies show a spike in the death rate for men who retire at age 62, and one reason is that males engage in more unhealthy behaviors once they quit working. The advice given: “Do good, healthy things.”
Wise words for us all, as we seek out our Zen, our life’s balance. Just don’t expect to find it in a recliner.
“She Speaks” is a weekly column by the women writers of the Honolulu Star-Advertiser. Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@staradvertiser.com.
