This is the day to celebrate fathers, and in the minds of some, not necessarily the most important holiday of the year. Yet, we are living in an age when fathers are taking a more active role especially in raising our daughters.
More than ever, fathers influence their daughters’ career choices, sense of competence and worth, and their willingness to take risks. Even though mothers tend to be the dominant role model with their daughter for nurturing and expressive behaviors, fathers serve more often as their daughter’s role model for achievement.
In fact, our girls need to grow with an understanding that they are entitled to speak assertively and to present their needs as their brothers and other boys do. Psychologists tell us that many girls learn to develop these essential life skills by dealing with fathers and brothers. In this regard, fathers are encouraged to tell their daughters how smart and capable they are, because a daughter is more likely to believe his fatherly words.
What can today’s dads do that will serve to nurture a special bond between them and their daughters? Of course, one way does not fit everyone, but focusing on the following gems will help to celebrate a father’s love and guidance for his daughter every day of the year.
>> Share special times. From watching high-adventure videos with a bowl of chocolate ice cream, to body-boarding at the beach, treasure, nurture and enjoy these activities with your girls.
>> Get real about her future. The signs of the time clearly indicate that she will work at least part of her life, and her education is paramount for economic security. Share the challenges of your workplace with her, while emphasizing that all careers have value. And, encourage her to work hard and challenge her to explore careers in mathematics, science and technology — fields that can more easily lead to financial independence for her.
>> Be a politician. Praise her for traits such as ambition, physical stamina, assertiveness and humor.
>> Talk money. Don’t be so quick to pass out the money; insist that she earn it. And don’t limit her jobs to traditional female activities like babysitting. Think about hiring her to assist in repairing the deck around the pool or washing the car.
>> Encourage participation in sports. Playing sports helps to equalize gender relationships and teaches lessons that can be applied to all areas of life beyond the playing field and classrooms.
>> Share your feelings about women. Talk to her about yourself and your feelings. Consider speaking often about the positive qualities of your marriage and the positive qualities of women in real life, in books and movies, and on TV.
>> Serve the community together. Volunteer with her to feed the less fortunate at a local shelter or clean a beach or highway together.
>> Avoid stereotyping. Ask her to assemble a prefabricated shelf, and then work together to prepare dinner.
>> Be an effective role model. Live your life so that when your daughter thinks of fairness and integrity, she remembers her father and acts upon the years of wisdom, love and friendship you have nurtured together.
For most girls, parents are the strongest and most direct role models on which they base and develop their own aspirations, identities and futures. Although the media, peers and pop culture are strong influences, a most important and saving factor that aids girls in growing into confident, happy and well-adjusted women is a caring and involved father. Today’s culture and environment pleads for fathers to nurture their daughters’ growth by affirming their inherent goodness, relevance and importance to a successful society.
Helping a daughter develop confidence and a strong voice is one of the greatest gifts a father can give to his daughter. Happy Father’s Day to our dads!
Betty White is head of school for Sacred Hearts Academy, an all-girls school in Kaimuki.
