David Shapiro: Sour notes end Legislature; pigeons opine on rail plan

It’s the last Sunday in May and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:

>> Gov. David Ige declared the 2019 Legislature a success even after his priorities were mostly ignored and some of his Cabinet appointees were derailed. Success for Ige is when he pinches himself and he’s still governor.

>> Legislators watered down a bill intended to protect sharks because it was too ambiguous in defining terms such as the shark “take.” They feared they were outlawing their own political fundraisers.

>> After collecting big raises for themselves, lawmakers denied a minimum wage increase for the poorest workers. Those who object can call House Speaker Scott Saiki or Senate President Ron Kouchi at 1-800-AINOKEA.

>> In a fitting end to a contentious session, senators were locked out of the House chambers for the traditional singing of “Hawai‘i Aloha,” and House members sang it on their own. Senators sang “Send in the Clowns.”

>> Hawaii Republicans elected Shirlene Ostrov to a second term as party chairwoman, saying she “worked tirelessly to thwart repeated attacks and dissension from opposition factions within the party.” The GOP is leaving Democrats to go thwart themselves.

>> Former mayor-turned-hotel lobbyist Mufi Hannemann railed against hotel property tax increases that Mayor Kirk Caldwell claims will pay to run Hannemann’s pet rail system. Proving again that karma is a son of a gun.

>> The city rail agency said it will have to spend $1.39 million to clean up the guano from defecating birds that have flocked to the rail guideway. And Ben Cayetano said nobody would use the thing.

>> The city is polling Oahu residents on favorite views they most want saved from development. The data will help the Caldwell administration more accurately ignore public opinion when making land-use decisions.

>> Touting her 2030 Promise Plan focusing on Hawaiian values, equity, thoughtfully designed schools, student empowerment and innovation, schools Superintendent Christina Kishimoto said, “Our students are too important for small promises.” Like reading and math proficiency.

>> U.S. Rep. Tulsi Gabbard made the somewhat contradictory complaint in her campaign for president that the media are conspiring to both pick on her and ignore her. Somebody’s been watching too much “Game of Thrones.”

>> The Queen’s Medical Center celebrated the 10,000th surgery by its four-armed da Vinci robots. Between surgeries, the bots do double duty as cappuccino machines in the snack bar.

And the quote of the month … from a letter by Katherine Kealoha to her grandma, read at the start of her conspiracy trial: “I WILL seek the highest form of legal retribution against ANYONE and EVERYONE who has written or verbally uttered those LIES about me! … They will rue the day that they decided to state these TWISTED LIES!” She has Donald Trump’s knack for subtlety.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.