David Shapiro: It was a year to remember — for all the wrong reasons

Before we forget 2022, let’s review its most befuddling news “flASHback” style:

>> Honolulu resembled a war zone on New Year’s Eve as police said their hands were tied on illegal fireworks. And their eyes blindfolded and ears plugged.

>> Sen. J. Kalani English and Rep. Ty Cullen were convicted of taking cash bribes from a cesspool executive. It was a shocking surprise — to exactly nobody.

>> Rep. Matthew LoPresti was the latest state legislator arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and, like fellow Rep. Sharon Har before him, refused a field sobriety test. Our legislators can’t walk a straight line even when they’re sober.

>> Former Gov. David Ige changed his COVID-19 plan from emergency response to management. He shifted from “wait-and-see” to “see-and-wait.”

>> The state picked two teams to submit plans for a public-private development around Aloha Stadium. There’s one team to miscalculate the finances and another to misapply them.

>> The long-delayed opening of Honolulu rail’s first 10 miles was put off another year because of cracking support pillars. The “Train to Nowhere” can’t even make it halfway there.

>> Taxpayer rebates of up to $300 were delayed after the state ran short of blank checks. The blank checks not already allocated to Oahu rail had been set aside for Aloha Stadium.

>> A Honolulu Star-Advertiser poll found 81% of voters felt the Legislature hadn’t done enough to clean up corruption among its members. The other 19% were applicants for public-private partnerships.

>> Stevedores captured a live skunk at Honolulu Harbor. He was taken into custody after refusing a field rabies test.

>> Arthur “Joe” Logan was named Honolulu police chief and said he’d focus on public relations and the well-being of officers. With HPD clearing only 5.41% of property crimes, let’s hope he’ll fit catching crooks in there.

>> Former Honolulu Prosecutor Keith Kaneshiro faced federal charges of wrongfully targeting an innocent woman at the behest of a big campaign donor. If it sticks, he and his deputy, Katherine Kealoha, will go down as the gang that couldn’t frame straight.

>> Instead of holding a news conference on his $3.2 billion budget, Mayor Rick Blangiardi had his staff interview him and posted video for the media. When he promised transparency, he didn’t mention it would be transparent butt-­kissing.

>> City Council member Augie Tulba saw no conflict of interest in continuing his comedy work while serving on the Council. What other comedian has a day job that provides so much material?

>> After polluting Oahu’s aquifer with a massive fuel spill at Red Hill, the Navy followed up by spilling a dangerous chemical. How comforting we’re protected from China by Adm. Oops.

>> New Gov. Josh Green said he and Lt. Gov. Sylvia Luke “broke the mold” with a ticket comprising a doctor and lawyer. Responsibilities are clear: He drives the ambulance and she chases it.

>> Green still flaunts he’s a doctor with stationery that bills him as Gov. Josh Green, M.D. It’s like we’re led by Doogie Howser.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.