David Shapiro: Fast action, slow action or no action, our ills go unsolved

It’s the last Sunday in March and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:

>> More than halfway through his term, Mayor Rick Blangiardi vowed in his third State of the City speech to address Oahu’s “wicked problems.” At his pace, perhaps he should lower his sights to our ticklish problems.

>> Taking the opposite rhetorical tack, Gov. Josh Green declared after only 100 days in office that he’s already taken the steps to solve all of our major problems in four years. He’ll be lucky if he gets his Cabinet confirmed in the Senate by then.

>> Speaking anonymously for fear of retaliation, state senators said they were being bullied by Ways and Means Chair Donovan Dela Cruz and Senate Vice President Michelle Kidani. You know we’re in trouble when our Senate is ideologically divided between alley cats and ’fraidy cats.

>> The 2023 Legislature hit a key turning point when it passed a critical crossover deadline. That’s when lawmakers cross over from taking care of old campaign contributors to kissing up to new donors.

>> State Sen. Lorraine Inouye declined to advance bills on sea-level rise and shoreline setbacks, saying, “We’re not there yet. … We need to get our feet wet first.” If Noah had waited for wet feet, he’d never have gotten past two ducks.

>> Civic groups are throwing mud balls, called genki, into the Ala Wai in hope of cleansing its toxic muck. The Ala Wai and state Capitol are the only local sites so noxious that mud makes them cleaner.

>> The 2021 Red Hill fuel spill exposed Pearl Harbor residents to antifreeze as well as jet fuel in their drinking water. The Navy maintains its military families the same as its diesel engines.

>> Warning sirens are being upgraded around Oahu. Instead of coded alerts for various emergencies, we’ll hear the voices of district City Council members earning their fat new pay raises by yelling “Run!” for waves and “Hide!” for bombs.

>> To reduce “painful” and “unacceptable” 300-day wait times for building permits, Blangiardi said the city is turning to an advanced artificial intelligence bot. If you want to ask it a question, you have to say, “Alexa.”

>> The Hawaii Supreme Court reversed a Honolulu Police Commission decision to pay for the legal defense of former Police Chief Louis Kealoha in his corruption trial, ruling his duties “did not include overseeing a criminal conspiracy to hide his and his wife’s misappropriation of funds belonging to others.” It’s always refreshing when common law meets common sense.

>> The state Department of Health reported a serious security breach of its Electronic Death Registration System. If you receive notice that you are deceased and there’s valid reason to believe otherwise, have a strong cup of coffee and go on with your day.

And the quote of the month … from Josh Green on the military’s PR miscues on Red Hill and other issues: “I don’t want people using ‘ohana’ or ‘aloha’ if they don’t mean it.” Nothing says Hawaii like haoles lecturing each other on how to use the Hawaiian language.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.