If you look at the numbers, two of the biggest causes of death among young people are suicide and car accidents. The risks from both are roughly equal. But the way we approach preventing these unnecessary and tragic deaths could not be more different.
Think about the teens in your life. How many times have they been told to buckle up? To look both ways? To never drink and drive? They’ve heard car safety messages thousands of times. And rightly so.
In contrast, how many times have those same teens had serious conversations about self-harming behaviors and suicide? You could probably count the number of times on a single hand.
We need to change that. We need to have these important conversations with young people so they know it’s OK and safe to reach out for help. We need to make sure that when a young person asks for help, we know how to respond in a non-judgmental, supportive, and responsive manner. Here are five steps to help the teens in your life.
Talk about mental health
The simple act of talking with teens about mental health is powerful. It helps to remove the prejudice and judgement that still exists around depression, anxiety and other common mental health challenges. Whether you are sharing your own experiences or asking teens about theirs, you are demonstrating that you care about them.
You’re also sending the clear message that it’s OK to talk about these topics.
Conversations about mental health should be as common as conversations about physical health.
Watch for warning signs
Most people who attempt suicide display some signs of distress.
Some are like flashing red lights: talking about death, saying they have no reason to live or suddenly giving away prized possessions. In these cases, seek help immediately.
Other warning signs may look like the typical ups-and-downs of teenage life: changes in sleep or school performance, neglecting appearances, being aggressive or withdrawn.
Some groups face significantly higher risks of suicide: kids who get bullied, LGBTQ kids, and those who have recently experienced a death in the family or the end of a romantic relationship.
Ask questions
Talk to the teen in your life. Teens are struggling with the many changes that they’re experiencing. Most of the time they just need someone that will listen to them without judgment. Take the time to ask questions and show that you are listening: put your phone away, find a quiet place to sit, and be OK with silence.
If you are worried about a teen in your life, reach out right away.
Don’t be afraid to ask direct questions. Have you ever thought about suicide? How frequently? Have you ever made a specific plan?
If your teen answers yes to the last question, connect them to help right away.
Listen without judgment
When talking with a teen in distress, you may hear difficult things and be uncertain of how to respond. “Thank you for sharing this with me” is a way to reassure them and keep the lines of communication open.
Remind them that everyone deserves help and that people do get better.
Get help
If you remember only one thing, make it 988. That’s the number to call or text 24/7 for confidential crisis help.
Mention it often to your teen so they learn it by heart.
Hawaii C.A.R.E.S. also offers crisis help. On Oahu, call 1-808-832-3100. On neighbor islands, call 1-800-753-6879.
The Trevor Project offers crisis support for LGBTQ young people: call 1-866-488-7386.
If you are unsure how to start a conversation with the teens in your life, text the link to this column along with a classic question: “Hey, how are you?”
Marie Vorsino is executive vice president of Parents and Children Together, a statewide nonprofit that provides services to Hawaii’s most challenged residents; she has a doctorate in clinical psychology and is a licensed mental health counselor.
