With elections over, it’s now time for some real silliness
Let’s give a "flASHback" welcome to our newly elected leaders as we plant tongue in cheek and feel the thrill anew on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» Neil Abercrombie, who got his start in public life as a vociferous protester of the Vietnam War, was elected governor of Hawaii. What a political journey — from "Hell no, we won’t go" to "Hell freezes over."
» Abercrombie is calling the transition website for his administration NewDayHawaii.org. Is he saying we should rise and shine? Now he tells us.
» Though he lost the real election, Lt. Gov. James "Duke" Aiona should take heart that he was the overwhelming favorite of 108,486 schoolchildren who cast ballots in Kids Voting Hawaii. Today’s kindergartners will reach voting age just about when Aiona is old enough to run for the U.S. Senate.
» Venerable U.S. Sen. Daniel Inouye cruised to a historic ninth term but decried this year’s negative campaigning. He hasn’t seen political attacks this harsh since Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr drew pistols in his hanabata days.
» Bucking a sharp national turn to the right, local voters elected liberal Democrats Colleen Hanabusa and Mazie Hirono to Congress. That’s so Hawaii, to send Laverne and Shirley to represent us at a tea party.
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» Word is that President Barack Obama and his family will spend Christmas in Hawaii for the third straight year. After his whipping from Republicans on the mainland, he needs to feel the love in the only state where he was the GOP’s un-Djouing.
» State Sen. Sam Slom became a one-man minority as the Republicans lost their other Senate seat vacated by Fred Hemmings. Slom called an organizational caucus, and there was agreement, for a change, that he’d do all the talking.
» Newly elected Board of Education members must have felt like they were in a Beatles opera when their victory parties ended with voters deciding to abolish the elected school board. Hello hello, I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello.
» The popular A+ after-school program will soon cost parents up to $25 a month more per child under a new fee schedule. They’ll have to start calling it A+an arm+a leg.
» Judge Ronald Ibarra ignored a plea agreement and sentenced Hawaii County Councilman Kelly Greenwell to 30 days behind bars for wrestling a police officer who ticketed him for speeding. Greenwell plans to appeal the jail time unless the judge will wrestle him for it.
And the quote of the week … from football fan Anthony Almaraz on the lack of health inspections at Aloha Stadium food concessions: "I guess if we don’t see the rat, then we don’t really think about it." That’s the same way many incumbent legislators keep getting elected.
David Shapiro can be reached at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.