Twas the week before Christmas And throughout Hawaii nei,

Santa had his gifts ready

For delivery by sleigh.

For Gov. Neil Abercrombie,

He found a bottle of thick-skin lotion;

To combat the negative curses

On that same-sex-marriage commotion.

For Mayor Kirk Caldwell,

He secured a coconut papale;

The perfect sun-protection topper

For his sprints from Honolulu Hale.

For President Barack Obama and ohana,

An island vacation sounds fair;

Or, simply put, an RX

From his problematic Obamacare.

A Super Bowl chapeau

For the suave Bruno Mars;

And maybe a movie lead

Next year with A-list stars.

For superstar Bette Midler

Another Broadway gem;

This time with singing,

Yes, as the Divine Miss M.

For Alex O’Loughlin

And his "Hawaii Five-0" crew:

More scripts like that war flashback

For viewers to chew.

For Tom Selleck, why not

A "Blue Bloods" episode in Hawaii?

The cast would adore Oahu

Or maybe Maui or Kauai.

For Emme and Jim

The caregiving twosome:

A romantic candlelit dinner

Where they can be coosome.

A brain-protecting football helmet

For Ms. Thompson, that’s Cha;

To shield and guard her head

Should she fall again, brah.

For Willie K, truly

Some renewed Waikiki presence;

Forget condos, think eateries,

With opihi and pheasants.

For dancer Cole Horibe,

"Break a leg" and "cheers!"

Hope your Bruce Lee"Kung Fu" musical

In New York endears.

A Tony for Jason Tam

On Broadway, with smiles;

And a revival of Imelda Marcos

By our own Ruthie Ann Miles?

For Loretta Ables Sayre,

Maybe that Bloody Mary film part;

The musical’s set to reboot

On the big-screen mart.

For Ron Bright and Tom Holowach,

Another spectacle with wow factor;

A hana hou perhaps

With a "Les Miz" contractor?

Secure a major hit musical

For Hawaii Theatre’s Burton White;

The downtown drought’s been dreadful

Mostly silent, not so bright.

Feathered and sequined costumes

For Arcadia’s Jack Cione,

So he can continue his "Follies"

And bask on his producer’s throne.

For singer Joy Abbott

And her pianist Betty Loo Taylor,

Why not a second jazz CD

Launched with a YouTube trailer?

A sales blockbuster

For new author Frannie Kirk;

Her book on the origSociety of Seven

Puts her in the writers’ cirque.

For Jake Shimabukuro, a gig

Like New York’s Billy Joel;

Piano Man has a monthly Madison Square Garden bid,

Blaisdell could be Uke Man’s goal.

With so many entertainers

Seeking jobs you would think,

That hotels and clubs would hire ’em

With contracts, fresh ink.

For Kapono, Olomana,

Cypriano and Apaka,

Give Hilton’s Jerry Gibson

One beeg mahalo shaka!

For beach-music trio Dukes of Surf,

An opening-act slot with the Beach Boys?

They’re part of the new wave of musicians

Who serve fun, fun, fun tunes, not noise.

Good health and good cheer

For nice guy Jim Nabors;

Gollee, he’s shown us

Such sweetness, such flavors.

For Karen Keawehawaii,

A traveling craft van

To market her faux flowers;

Such lifelike creations, man.

For Tom Moffatt, no more surgeries,

He had several this year;

For Amy Hanaiali’i?

A stage role would be dear.

For UH’s M.R.C. Greenwood,

The dubious Hall of Shame tag;

That Stevie Wonder blunder

Got her packing her bag.

For Norm Chow, what else?

More than one Warriors win;

A repeat of last season

Would be contractual sin.

And a safety zone atSheriff Center

For Athletic Director Ben Jay;

He got hurt in a tiff, remember,

And we still wonder: Did he need Bengay?

For the International Market Place

And the still-closed Outrigger Showroom,

May your redesign and comeback

Be a monstrous boom!

For food-vanner Lanai Tabura,

Winner of the Food Network’s competish;

Why not a sit-down spot

To re-create every dish?

For Shari, Raiatea, Anuhea,

Mary and the Na Leo three,

Perhaps a show bill together

A songfest with esprit?

A similar bill with Hookena,

Makaha Sons, Danny Couchand Hapa;

Good vibes, good fellowship

Right after one suppah.

For maestro Matt Catingub,

A second season of Hawaii Pops;

For Augie T? Easy!

Lots more comedic hops.

No ills forSamson and Jones

So they can do more gigs;

For Kealii Reichel,

Jump-start new hula jigs?

For Jimmy Borges?

A lifetime good-health pass;

He’s truly Mr. Debonaire,

A singer with class.

For Lee Cataluna,

Now a teacher by day;

A grand new musical

Reuniting with Keola Beamer? Hooray!

For Phil Arnone,

More island TV docs;

For Leslie Wilcox and PBS?

Finally, a new home that rocks.

A showroom return

For singer Melveen Leed;

For Frank De Lima and his Portuguese bean soup,

Four stars! Raves indeed.

Magic dust for John Hirokawa,

For Mark Mauricio, too.

For Eddie Kamae?

A palaka ukulele would do.

For Kuana Torres Kahele,

Niihau shell lei galore;

To sell with his CDs

That his fanship adores.

To you, devoted readers

You Mr. and Ms.,

A "Mele Kalikimaka" toast!

And that’s Christmas "Show Biz." …

———
Wayne Harada is a veteran entertainment columnist; reach him at  266-0926 or wayneharada@gmail.com; read his Show and Tell Hawaii blog at www.staradvertiser.com.