January is Stalking Awareness Month. To help convey to readers the emotional and physical torment of being stalked, four clients of the Domestic Violence Action Center agreed to work with the center to publicly share their stories and experiences.

Two of their stories run here today; two will run tomorrow in the“Views & Voices” section on Page A7. Their names are being withheld for their protection.

CLIENT 1: LOVE TURNED INTO CONSTANT FEAR

When you’re in love, and the relationship is new, stalking can feel like a deep connection, a love so intense that I had never had in my life. She wanted to spend all our time together, always wanted to know where I was, and wanted to maintain contact through calls or texts all day. The attention made me feel special and that our relationship was different from any I’d had before.

I remember the first time I realized I was being watched. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come to our company party at Kapiolani Beach Park. She said, “No, you go enjoy with your friends.” When I got to the party, not even five minutes after I got there, she sent a text saying, “I can see you.” I remember feeling a little creeped out, but at the same time I was kind of happy that she at least came, even if she was watching from a distance.

After the first month we moved in together and I realized that she was stalking me more than I knew. She owned her own business, a cultural practitioner who gave back to the community, and I loved that about her. Yet I eventually realized it gave her the flexibility to be where she wanted when she wanted. I had an 8 a.m.-5 p.m. job, with a static office, and I was a person of planning and routine. My routine and her total lack of routine made it easy for her to keep track of me at all hours of the day.

One day she told me she would be home late because of her work. I decided to go to “Taco Tuesday” with my co-workers, to change my routine and enjoy a little bit of time with friends, which was difficult when my girlfriend always seemed to be there, wanting to spend time with just me.

I rode the bus everywhere and the time being later than usual, a co-worker kindly offered me a ride home. We weren’t even to the house when my girlfriend came walking down the street. I saw an angry, frightening look in her eye that I was starting to know too well. She screamed at me to get out of the car and began questioning and yelling at my co-worker. She said she saw us at the cantina flirting. She accused us of sleeping together.

What I perceived originally as a little insecurity and thoughtful infatuation became an obsessive stalking. She began driving me to and from work. On the days that she let me catch the bus I was so afraid that she was watching me that I would wear dark glasses and keep my earphones in, not making eye contact or talking to anyone out of fear of yet another argument when I got home. I never went out with my co-workers or friends without her because I believed that as she watched, any wrong look or little gesture would cause conflict.

Stalking is far more than someone just watching. It was the act of instilling constant fear that every move I made, every person I interacted with would somehow be held against me by someone who was supposed to love and care for me.

CLIENT 2: HARASSMENT REACHED INTO HER JOB

We met at a party. He was not like anyone I had ever met before, stood out in a crowd and made me feel special. We hung out most of the night, until my friends who gave me a ride said that they were going home. He convinced me to stay, even after I told him that I lived with my uncle who is very strict, and that I needed to be home at a certain time. He said, “Don’t worry about it,” and I trusted that he would bring me home on time.

As time got closer he refused to take me home. When I finally got home, my uncle was so angry that he kicked me out. Of course, this guy that I had just met was there to “save me.”

We were young and jumped from house to house while he began to get possessive of me. He would tell me that I was his soul mate and that no one else mattered. When I got a job and started to pull my life together, he would do things like lay in the driveway so I couldn’t go to work. He would come into the store and if he saw me working with or talking to customers, he would call my manager to say that I was not doing my job and was flirting with the customers.

At one point, he made an anonymous tip that a coworker and I were having sex in the stock room. These were attempts to get me fired and keep me home where he could control me eventually; the attempts, fortunately, failed as my employer was supportive.

When I finally tried to leave him, the stalking became worse. He followed me on social media and he began to follow my friends to figure out where I was and who I was with. Even when I went to court to get a temporary restraining order, he would violate it by sending strangers to talk to me and tell me, “Why are you doing this to your baby’s daddy? Are you that heartless?”

No one could do anything about these violations because they “couldn’t prove” the strangers’ contact was on his behalf. These incidents made me realize he was still watching my every move, even as I tried to use the systems in place to protect myself.

I just want to move away to get away from him, but because we have a child together, I can’t. I feel like the only peace I will ever get is when he is in jail.