It’s getting difficult to tell the hypothesis from the reality as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» A new poll shows Democrats Neil Abercrombie and Mufi Hannemann both ahead of Republican James "Duke" Aiona in hypothetical matchups for governor. If only it was really hypothetical and not our actual choices.
» An Aiona spokesman quoted the lieutenant governor as saying the only poll that counts is on election day. Has any candidate who said that ever actually won an election?
» Abercrombie and Aiona celebrated back-to-back birthdays this week with campaign fundraisers. Before blowing out their candles, they wished for Hannemann’s donor list.
» The Hannemann campaign admitted a city worker and campaign volunteer was responsible for a website called "Atomic Monkey" that crudely mocked Abercrombie. It must be the same satirist who wrote the mayor’s spin when he backed down from the feds on fixing sewers.
» Mayoral candidate Donovan Dela Cruz is proposing that residents near transit development be assessed property tax increases to pay for the improvements. If he can sell people on paying extra for dust and noise, he deserves to be mayor.
» U.S. Sen. Daniel Inouye added to his prestige and Hawaii’s when was sworn in as the Senate’s president pro tempore and became third in line for the U.S. presidency. At 85 the main perk is being first in line for the little senators’ room.
» U.S. Rep. Charles Djou said he was the first congressman to use an iPad to give a speech on the House floor. The jury is out on whether it raised his oratorical iQ.
» Tobacco taxes, the barrel tax on oil and bus fares were on the long list of taxes and fees that went up July 1. Bottom line: You’ll pay more whether you drive or take the bus to buy your cigarettes.
» Dozen of warships from 14 nations that are converging on Hawaii are here for RIMPAC military exercises. Whew, I thought Hannemann and Abercrombie were amassing naval power to expand their ground war.
» Waikiki beach bunnies in bikinis had chocolate syrup poured over them to protest the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Somehow, I doubt the oil-soaked waterfowl in the gulf had as many surfer dudes volunteering to lick it off.
» And the quote of the week … from Seattle homeless services advocate John Fox on hearing that Reps. John Mizuno and Rida Cabanilla want to ship Hawaii’s homeless to the mainland: "Unbelievable. … These are state legislators?" I didn’t believe it myself until I read it on their office doors.
David Shapiro can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or blog.volcanicash.net.