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Psst … hey buddy. Yeah, you with the "H" on the cap. Come back into the alley here with me. Have we got a deal for you!
Actually, I’m just the middle man. This bargain is courtesy of Oceanic Time Warner Cable. If you’re already a cable subscriber and you want to watch some University of Hawaii football at a good price — no, make that a great price — you need to get in on this.
How about the UH games at Army and at Colorado, both of them live, for around the cost of a pound of poke?
We’re talking $6.95, pally. Special, for you … and everyone else, according to the Oceanic phone rep I spoke with yesterday.
Crazy, you say, that’s impossible! Isn’t Oceanic in cahoots with UH to sell you the pay-per-view package for $420 to $500 — that is if you’re fortunate enough to even have access to cable? And the road games alone for $300 … yikes! Individual games, $25 to $65?
No, this is for real.
It’s right there on the Oceanic website. Go to www.oceanic.com/products/television/digital_cable/pricing and you’ll see it in black, blue, brown and white. "The Sports Pak," $4.95 a month, plus a $2 initial fee.
And in the upper left-hand corner, Order Now! Call 643-2337 … so that’s what my friend did — after he’d researched that "The Sports Pak" includes live telecasts of UH’s first two road games. You can get the Warriors at Army on Sept. 11 (CBS College Sports) and the UH at Colorado game a week later (Fox College Sports Pacific).
It took a few conversations, including some with supervisors, before he was convinced Oceanic had finally agreed with his way of thinking. He wanted to make sure he would really be charged $6.95 total, and not $60 per game, or a one-time charge of $60, like he was originally told. He was also assured the UH games would not be blacked out.
The key, he was told, is to order by the end of August. So that’s what he did. Orders from Sept. 1 will be charged the pay-per-view amount, not the monthly fee for "The Sports Pak."
I trust this guy, but decided I should check it out for myself anyway. A very pleasant Oceanic representative returned my call sooner than the 15 minutes the recording estimated. I told the rep I was interested in "The Sports Pak," specifically because of the UH games.
"If I were you," the rep confided, "I’d order before the end of August. That way it’s just $4.95 (plus the $2). If you wait (until September), it will be $60."
Bingo. Confirmation.
Call it a loophole if you want. Hopefully Oceanic will honor it and not shift gears if it gets flooded with requests for "The Sports Pak" and none for the UH road pay-per-view package. Their reps have told at least two customers that’s what the deal is, and one of them purchased it (if my buddy is billed more than $6.95 for those games, there’s going to be plenty of noise — that’s the kind of guy he is).
Could this hurt UH financially?
Perhaps. But maybe it’s good for the program, since the Warriors will get a lot more eyes on those first two road games. Then it’s up to the team — play well at Army and Colorado, and some of those Hawaii folks who see it on "The Sports Pak" might actually make it to Aloha Stadium for the Charleston Southern game.
Don’t cry too much for Oceanic. It stands to sell a lot of "The Sports Pak," at least for September. And at $4.95 a month, a lot of the fans who buy it might forget to cancel after the UH games. "The Sports Pak" also includes NBA, NHL, tennis and racing channels and the Big Ten Network, so some fans will like it and keep it.
Not clear, though, if Oceanic will also throw in two ShamWows, a George Foreman grill and 17 copies of "The Perfect Season" with each purchase.
Hurry, and call now. Operators are standing by.
But don’t be surprised if this deal is for a limited time only.
Reach Star-Advertiser sports columnist Dave Reardon at dreardon@staradvertiser.com, his "Quick Reads" blog at staradvertiser.com and twitter.com/davereardon.
