In a previous incarnation of my life — before I had children — I enjoyed filling my calendar with opportunities to give back.

I sold scrip at Taste of Honolulu, I cut sheets of gingerbread and decorated Blaisdell Exhibition Hall for the Gingerbread Family Festival and I passed out cups of water to runners at the Honolulu Symphony Fun Run. Whenever I went to the beach, I’d bring a small trash bag intent on filling it with straws, cigarette butts and plastic bits left behind by other beachgoers.

Then my boys were born and my schedule filled with other things — pediatrician appointments and Gymboree classes — and volunteering became a thing of the past. There were too many goggles and pails and sun hats to tote on beach excursions to remember to bring a bag for trash.

Last year when I noticed my then-11-year-old was edging toward his teen years without a sense of his place in the community, we started a summer project. I challenged him to find one good thing, big or small, to do for someone else each day.

We started out with huge ambition but were quickly stymied by the age requirements for many volunteer opportunities. Eventually we worked up a list of dozens of things he could do, from baking for the neighborhood librarians and helping grandma cook dinner to an organized Sustainable Coastlines beach cleanup and helping build a butterfly garden at Kahuku Farms.

I tried to find opportunities that an active tween boy would enjoy, even if they weren’t necessarily my favorite things to do, so he would learn that giving back wasn’t torturous. Digging in the dirt avoiding worms as the sun beat down on us is not my idea of a good time, but my son loved it.

Juggling the commitments of two working parents and two children, some days our busy schedule won out and he ended up washing the car or doing yard work. Admittedly, a few days he just plain forgot.

It’s not that my boy was ever ill-intentioned, it simply never occurred to him to lend a hand. But by the end of the summer, I noticed a real change in him. Two months of looking for good deeds to fill his daily requirement had turned into habit. It became second nature for him to look beyond himself to see where he could help. He now jumps up to assist his little brother with a spill and runs out to the car to help me with groceries.

And though we never got around to packing a box of goodies for a soldier, baking for families staying at the Ronald McDonald House or planting seeds at the Honolulu Zoo’s Children’s Discovery Forest, before you know it, next summer will be here full of opportunity to make the world — and our home — a better place.

“She Speaks” is a weekly column by the women writers of the Honolulu Star-Advertiser. Reach Donica Kaneshiro at dkaneshiro@staradvertiser.com.