Hawaii has a date with destiny, but the state isn’t quite sure when it is as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» The state’s eGov website mistakenly listed the general election date as Nov. 4 before correcting it to Nov. 2. Now the nonvoters who make up the majority in Hawaii are totally confused about when they’re supposed to not show up.
» Neil Abercrombie rejoined the governor’s race after taking a week off after the primary election to recharge his batteries. I always thought that the guy was wind-powered.
» KITV revealed that while Lt. Gov. James "Duke" Aiona has publicly urged Hawaii residents — including school kids — to get flu shots, he refuses to get one himself. If he’s so afraid of a needle sting, how is he going to handle the budget pinch?
» U.S. Rep. Charles Djou says in a new TV ad that he won’t let the establishment turn him into something he’s not. There are so many things that he’s not, the establishment wouldn’t know where to start.
» Djou’s opponent, Colleen Hanabusa, has her own TV spot asserting that "what you see is what you get." I’m not sure what that means, but I understand the special version she has for campaign donors: "You get what you pay for."
» An 82-year-old Pearl Kai store clerk nabbed a 34-year-old man who tried to cash a forged check. Now there’s an octogenarian we could trust to safeguard our tax dollars in the U.S. Senate.
» Speaking of which, the Senate passed a bill sponsored by our own Sen. Daniel Akaka requiring that government documents be written in plain language. It’ll be refreshing to get payment notices from the IRS that just say, "Stick ’em up."
» Fourteen students and three adults at Highlands Intermediate School had to be treated after the insecticide malathion was detected. You know our schools are in trouble when they start confusing educate with exterminate.
» A high-powered telescope on Haleakala spotted a looming object that could be coming our way in the future. It sure didn’t take long for Mufi Hannemann to start planning his comeback.
» At the W.M. Keck Observatory on Mauna Kea, meantime, a team of astronomers discovered a planet in a distant solar system with all the requirements for life. It appears to have air, water and an ample supply of shoyu.
And the quote of the week … from University of Hawaii Vice President Linda Johnsrud on students taking classes from several different campuses: "We call it ‘swirling’ and it’s a national phenomenon." A college education used to be a journey to success; now it sounds like swimming in a toilet.
David Shapiro can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or blog.volcanicash.net.