The old joke about the similarity between lawmaking and sausage-making could become reality as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» Hawaii would be the first state to own a slaughterhouse under a bill in the Legislature allowing the state to buy Oahu’s only certified butchering facility. Lawmakers could process the pigs along with the budget, and the blood on the floor would all look the same.
» Legislators are pushing a bill to require "instant runoff" voting in some county elections. It’s a ranking system in which voters’ second and third choices are taken into account until a Democrat wins.
» Some 1,500 members of the American Pain Society will meet at the Hawai‘i Convention Center next month. They’ll fill the void left by the adjournment of the Legislature.
» Police arrested three people in the case of bungling thieves who left a Waikele jewelry outlet in frustration after failing to break open the display case with a shotgun and a hammer. Gov. Neil Abercrombie’s budget team is studying the security video for clues on cracking the state’s piggy bank.
» The city reduced the projected cost of its rail transit system to $5.3 billion from $5.5 billion. Planners decided that the loop-de-loops between Waipahu and Pearl City were more "nice to have" than "need to have."
» Three puppets that went missing from a Maui performing arts organization have been found. It turned out they were on Oahu being interviewed by Mayor Peter Carlisle for the Honolulu Authority for Rapid Transportation.
» Maui police are urging residents to fill out a "Disoriented Persons Identification Form" to make it easier to locate folks susceptible to getting lost. That’s one way for voters to keep track of Mayor Alan Arakawa and the County Council.
» Also on the Maui police blotter, local publisher Tommy Russo claims he was assaulted by Duane "Dog" Chapman’s security team when he tried to film the bounty hunter in a public parking lot — and then was assaulted again by a police officer he called for help. With his luck, he’ll get a judge who believes in three strikes.
» Former Vice President Dan Quayle is reported to be visiting Hawaii this week. I say "reported" because this GOP icon never seems sure where he is. Quayle once said, "I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix."
And the quotation of the week … in the form of a couple of delicious back-to-back tweets from U.S. Sen. Daniel Inouye.
First this: "Senator Inouye is grabbing a long john and other pastries from @LilihaBakery."
Then, 25 minutes later: "Senator Inouye is helping announce a $24.5 million grant for @UHManoa to study and combat childhood obesity."
Nothing says fitness like Cocoa Puff crumbs on your chin.
David Shapiro can be reached at email@example.com or blog.volcanicash.net.