When last year’s Marco Polo fire displaced Moon Yun Pellerin and her mother Kyung Ok Seto, it aggravated her mother’s dementia.

Moving from a place she knew to a hotel room and then a new apartment caused her mother to act out with challenging behaviors.

“My mom would get upset every time we moved, so I had to calm her down when she was acting out,” Pellerin said. “But you couldn’t argue with her and you couldn’t go against her reality.”

Pelligran coped by using the the connections she fostered at AARP’s Caregiver Conference last year. She was assisted by people at Project Dana and the Alzheimer’s Association and found solutions through online research on Alzheimer’s message boards.

She learned some key words that helped calm her mother down.

“I got a lot of help from the Alzheimer’s Association,” she said.

“Going to the (AARP Hawai‘i Caregiver) Conferences helped me to cope because you get a lot of knowledge,” Pellerin said. The speakers gave good advice and Pellerin was able to meet supporters and other caregivers.

This year’s Caregiver Conference is on Saturday from 8 a.m. to noon at the Japanese Cultural Center of Hawai‘i. The theme of the conference is “Caring for Family, Caring for Yourself.” It’s an important message because you can’t take care of others well if you don’t take care of yourself.

AARP president Eric Schneidewind will give the keynote address on “What Family Caregivers Want… and How to Help Them Get It” and Dorothy Colby will speak on techniques for caregivers of dementia patients.

Dr. Sherry Kogan will speak about the toll that caregiving can take on your health and what you can do to reduce the physical and emotional strain. Trainer Cat Sawai will teach simple physical activities to reduce stress.

“As a caregiver, you get so into watching them, asking them if they’re hungry, what their needs are and always tending to their needs,” Pellerin said. “You get so involved in it that you forget to take care of yourself first, which sounds selfish but it’s not. You need to be healthy.”

There will also be an exhibit area with demonstrations of new technology, including how virtual reality glasses are being used to help calm patients with dementia.

But one of the best benefits of the conference is the chance to meet and share experiences with other caregivers.

“There were a ton of people there (last year),” Pellerin said. “My impression coming out of there and seeing a whole sea of people was thinking to myself, ‘I am not alone. There are other people out there with the same concerns, the same questions and similar experiences.’”

Barbara Kim Stanton is the state director for AARP Hawaii, an organization dedicated to empowering people to choose how they live as they age.