Often when people think of someone with a big ego, they picture a swaggering guy with his head held too high. They picture someone who wants to be the center of attention and has superficial obsessions.

The truth is that a big ego isn’t always an overt caricature. Actually, it’s simply the part of us that wants to be in control. It can ruin relationships, cut us off from authentic experiences and chip away at happiness.

How does the ego show up? It shows up in the form of our thoughts, and it operates from fear and the need to protect ourselves.

It causes us to want to be right, and focuses on appearance and status. It loves to run the show of our lives by getting caught up in having to win.

Ultimately, our ego can hinder our inability to form real relationships and have genuine experiences.

Although the ego is a necessary part of every human being, being conscious of when it is showing up in our life is the key to living a more fulfilling life.

Here are some of the indicators that you may be having an ego flare-up.

>> You worry about what others think. This may surprise some, but ego manifests in ways that aren’t always outwardly arrogant. If you spend your time and energy subordinating to other’s wishes because you want to “look good” to them, you’re not really living your own life.

>> You have the need to be right. The ego can’t stand to be wrong, weak or vulnerable. Your ego will argue, lie and fight to be right to maintain control. When you find yourself being critical and judgmental, your ego is in charge. If you are experiencing dichotomous thinking, where you see things as either good or bad or right or wrong, your ego has infiltrated your thinking.

>> You have to be perfect. Life is messy. In fact, it’s a hot mess of imperfect moments that string together over a lifetime. Feeling tense, uncomfortable and stressed is the ego not wanting to let go of impossible expectations of ourselves and others to be perfect — and this can cause a lot of stress.

What works best to counter the ego?

I see the practice of humility as an essential daily exercise to minimize the negative aspects of ego flare-ups and promote harmony. Why?

When you show humility consistently, you inspire silent respect from others over time. It not only fosters personal growth, but it keeps your ego from over-reacting, which in turn prevents arguments by curbing your tendency to be defensive.

Humility reminds us that we still have a lot to learn.

No matter how much we think we know, when compared to the magnificence of the universe we live in, what we know is really only a drop in the massive ocean of life.

Alice Inoue is the founder of Happiness U. Visit yourhappinessu.com.