There is a book I never thought to read until I met a colleague at a national conference. She was unassuming and quiet yet very likable and wise, and people flocked to her. When I asked her what her secret was to getting along with people, she replied that it was a little book she had read years ago whose principles continue to be helpful and pertinent.

The book? Dale Carnegie’s "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

In the introduction, Carnegie writes that dealing with people is probably the biggest problem we face, especially in business. And that is also true if one is a homemaker, architect or engineer.

Studies made at the Carnegie Institute of Technology revealed that even in technical professions such as engineering, about 15 percent of one’s financial success is due to technical knowledge, and about 85 percent is due to personality and the ability to lead people.

As a professional organizer and time management trainer, I tell clients to be aware of and curtail time wasters — things like desk mess, clutter, looking for things, and distractions.

But Carnegie’s book alerted me to other time wasters, which I call relationship time wasters. They include criticizing, condemning and arguing. According to Carnegie, nine times out of 10, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.

As for criticizing, Carnegie considers it futile. "It puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment."

Whether at work with co-workers or at home with family members, are criticizing and arguing taking your time, not getting the results you want and ending up frustrating you?

By refraining from unproductive criticism and futile arguments, you’ll avoid wasting your time and creating ill will. It will be time wisely unspent.

Ruth Wong owns Organization Plus. Her column runs on the first Monday of each month. Contact her by e-mail at orgplushawaii@hawaiiantel.net.