Have you noticed that we tend to naturally talk about the things that bother us? It’s usually the things that we have judgments on. “She shouldn’t be doing that.” “He needs to learn manners.” “He’s doing it wrong.” We complain because we’ve become “experts” on how people should act and how things should operate. When things don’t match our preferred reality, we complain — sometimes without even noticing it.

Complaining out loud or inside your head about a life situation or a person is simply an unwillingness to accept how things are. It’s verbal or mental resistance to reality.

Though the occasional complaint can be cathartic and is far better than imploding and internalizing distress, from now on I invite you to be mindful when you complain, in that the act of complaining carries a negative energy. The more you can manage your complaints, the greater the potential for you to positively shape your overall attitude and outlook.

Remind yourself that every moment presents an opportunity to monitor your thoughts because what you think about, you bring about. If you regularly think about how much you dislike your life, your job, your relationships, your aging body or your predicament, the people in your life might shut down to you or even withhold opportunities as a result.

Daily mission

Affirm daily the things you do like and identify the things that are going well. By doing so, you’ll soon find a new reality greeting you.

Alice Inoue is the founder of Happiness U. Visit yourhappinessu.com.